Choosing to pick up the pieces. Pieces of life, not pieces of m&ms.

So much has happened since my last competition 3 months ago. It feels a bit overwhelming to think about writing every thing down. On this wednesday night though, or shall I say morning since it's 3 am, I feel compelled to write and to share. 

A few months ago, when I first began to train for my 2nd show, I was at a pretty low place. It was a battle from the get go because I had rebounded quite badly (putting back on weight) after the first show last october and it was a really hard thing to process. To be honest, it's a complete mind fuck to go from "stage" body to "real life" fit body, let alone "worse than when you first started training" body. It was hard to pick myself up from this low point and make the decision to get back into shape and train for another competition. I made that decision though and began training and dieting around jan/feb. Let me remind you my first competition was october 2011 and my last one was 3 months ago. The mental and emotional battle was definitely a process and not something that happened over night. 

Things started to get better and my mentality changed. I was powering through and I was in great spirits leading up to my 2nd competition. I looked the best I had ever looked, was in the best shape of my life and it was completely rewarding to have crossed the finish line (looking better than my first show, might I add). It was great. During all of this, I told myself I would NOT rebound again. I could not put myself through that battle again. Guess what? I did. I rebounded, AGAIN. This isn't unusual, it happens. I just didn't want it to happen to me. I didn't want to put all of my heart and energy into something just to throw it away. 

After the 2nd show, something happened and I sort of went downhill mentally, emotionally and physically. I dropped out of a show I had planned on competing in which broke my heart. Some personal issues reemerged and my head and heart were not in the right place. My desire to train dissipated and I became very overwhelmed with many things. It had been awhile since I had felt that way. I was at an extremely low and dark place at this point. I pulled myself away. From everything. I went home to seattle for a while before going to see max in sweden just two weeks ago. I am in seattle again, regrouping, rebuilding, healing, learning some lessons, picking up some pieces and finding some resolution that was needed in my personal life. This time away hasn't been for nothing. God opened up my eyes to a lot this time because I was definitely ASKING! I have learned a great deal about myself. I am seeing why there was a pattern of rebounding. I am seeing emotional patterns as well. I am working on these things. Very specific things.  

So this is where I am at now. Picking myself back up again. I am back on track and am setting daily and weekly goals with my nutrition and training. I never weigh myself (even when I competed) so I don't have a weight goal. I just want to get to a point where I feel comfortable in my own skin because honestly right now, I don't. After I reach that point, whenever that may be, I will consider competing again. I know I am not a beach whale so it's not going to take a crazy long time, but competition prep is intense... to say the least and although I know I am capable of the structure, discipline and commitment that is required to compete, I just mainly want to make sure I am in the right frame of mind for it and that my heart is in a healthy state. I am thinking/hoping I will be more than ready by the time max gets to the states in the winter (fingers crossed, send prayers our way!) because we want to train for a show together :) 

That was VERY long, but it was actually summarized for ya hah. I really appreciate those who take the time to read/ are interested in reading what I share. This post was very, very difficult to share, but I share because I know others can relate. I share because this is life, this is what's real. Like I said in my last post, it's not all rainbows and butterflies. Life is called a journey for a reason. Having shit tons of motivation and constantly staying positive is not something that occurs everyday of my life. There are many ups and downs. Living a balanced, healthy and fit life is damn hardddd, but It's something I want and am striving for. I am learning. And I'm gonna keep it real with you while I'm doin it;)


**You have a CHOICE. Choose to learn. Choose to grow. Choose to be better. Choose to try again. Choose to keep trying and keep going until you get to where you want to/need to be**



Shout out to my babe-alicious, max....being a competitor himself, he's one of few who truly understands  - he's been THE biggest support <3you da best. 

he's waiting for me to run into his arms. heh:)

Rainbows and Butterflies.

I was inspired by a dear friend to be honest, to be real. On her blog, I noticed she has increasingly become more candid about her struggles in the past and present and how she strives to work through them to better herself as a person. Especially when it comes to health and fitness. I know I don't post consistently, but I always hope that when I do, I can have some type of positive impact on a reader. Because of Stephanie, I realized, that in order to affect people on a deeper level, there needs to be a relatable element that comes from honesty. Being honest, even about struggles, has great ability to encourage people too because it makes us feel like we are human. We are not perfect and everyone goes through the same emotional, mental and physical struggles. Just in our own way. This is not to say that I have ever lied or sugar coated anything but I know I haven't shared much of my real inner battles. Positive words are often encouraging of course, but sometimes I personally just want to and need to hear that someone is struggling too! Or, at least has been there before. We all know it's not all rainbows and butterflies. Steph agreed that there is a lot of fluff out there and I as a reader, need that human element. Although my other blog, A Beautiful Life, is pretty raw and emotional, I feel like I need more of that with this blog as I write about my health and fitness journey. How do I truly and sincerely guide, encourage and inspire others if I don't share the nitty gritty, the lowest lows, and ups and downs. I know I am pretty good at being positive and giving pep talks, but I have huge struggles and very low lows as well and at this point, I feel compelled to share! I want to post on a weekly basis giving an update on how I am doing physically, mentally and emotionally and if anything interesting comes up in between, I will share that too. 

Contact me through any avenue you are able to if there is something in particular you'd like me to share or are curious about. I get a lot of messages about what my training is like and what I eat specifically, but with this journey, there is so much more to it than that..so, please ask!


I would love feedback, like "followers" (because I see in my stats that people ARE reading, so it's ok to follow me :)haha) and appreciate your support!!

Thanks for reading,

<3N

Desire & Belief

Naturally, goals and resolutions are the most popular topics as of lately. I personally am someone who feels that goal setting is one of many key mechanisms in assisting you to live more effectively. A plan, a guide and things to strive for are always good.

After setting some realistic short term and long term goals, creating a specific plan of action and strategy are required. Then, it needs to be implemented.

Since I've experienced it as well, it's probably safe to say that most of you often come under that feel good motivation spell and are amped about life and future plans. It can be concerning life in general or maybe it's about a career change, pursuing a new idea or a new health regiment. You have your goal, plan and strategy but then, not much happens. Or, something happens for a solid 2 weeks and from there on out your progress trickles into nothing. Through self analysis during past experiences like this, I've found that it was because (among a few other factors):
1. The desire for it wasn't to the core of my heart.
2. The belief of that pursuit wasn't to the core of my heart. 

Desire: 
When I say desire, I do not mean surface feel good desire. The desire needs to be to the point that it could almost be defined as a necessity. The reason for the necessity is one only you will know. Sometimes, the reason doesn't make sense and is not easily articulated, but if you are truly pursuing something, I feel it means there's some type of necessity. Or else, why would you take any action at all. Sometimes the reason for our desire is not strong enough which means its not a necessity- to me, it is a surface want. Consequently, it will be difficult to sustain or even begin to take action. Ask yourself if you truly desire the attainment of a goal. To your core.

Belief:
Something that I feel is rarely mentioned and is so crucial to the equation is to simply believe. What are your beliefs about your goals? Do you feel you can reach them? Deserve them? Believe that you can. Believe in the plan, believe in the strategy, believe in the goal, believe in your word and what you have told yourself you want to do. Essentially, believe in yourself! It's difficult to even start to execute anything you have down on paper, let alone sustain action or pick up momentum if you do not BELIEVE and feel in your HEART that you can DO it, WANT it, and WILL. Maybe your desire is there, but it makes all the difference to believe in yourself and in your word. To your core.

With that, take some time to reflect on past failures and why your efforts or progress died out. Maybe you have both of these things, and this might sound corny but maybe you just need to verbalize it to yourself each morning, or take moments through out the day to remind yourself to feel that desire, and believe in that desire and in yourself. Dig deep and do some self analysis. Question your motives. Maybe you need to reevaluate and replan a few things here and there. That's a-ok.


These are just things I have found helpful for myself. Things that have helped me to break some bad cycles so that when I pursue my goals, I can stay on track and achieve my goals. Good luck with all of your new year resolutions.





Love,
Nat

What happened Saturday?!

Competition number one- ACCOMPLISHED! 

It was such an amazing weekend. Time for some details on how everything went. 

My lovely mother drove in Friday to help me out. Being carb and water depleted makes it tough to have much energy to do anything so she helped me out with final details at home. I had a posing session with Sher in the morning at 8am and felt good about my model turns. The rest of Friday consisted for relaxing and packing. I got a chance to go to the farmers market to buy FRUIT to eat after the show. I was more than excited about that. 4:30pm was my spray tan appt at the double tree hotel. 6:30pm was briefing for bikini and figure competitors. After that I just hung out in the hotel room with my mom and was asleep by 10:30pm. I actually wasn't feeling jittery or nervous about the show so it was good to rest well that night. 

Saturday schedule went a little something like this:

5am: Woke up to undo my curlers and fix up my hair

6:30am: Make up appt

8am: Out the door to the venue for tan touch up

9am: Final briefing...but actually just lots of waiting around 

11:30am: Hair and make up touch ups, bikini on....Prejudging has started at this point

1:30pm: I am on stage for prejudging

2:30pm: On our way back to hermosa to nap! 30 minute power nap!

4:30pm: Back to the venue for finals

6:30pm: Finals begin....tan, hair and make up touch ups while waiting for my category

7:30/8pm: On stage for finals!

9:30pm: Show ends, stay after to get feedback from a few judges! 

10pm: Dunzo. 

11pm: Party time. 

Prejudging was great. I am happy with how I did on stage. I went out confident and comfortable with my model turns and walk. It was exhilarating! Competitors are in different "classes" depending on your height which means I competed against others around the same height. There were 10 girls in my class. We all walked out, did our individual model turns. Then they put us in smaller groups to compare girls against one another and had us do a few poses...walk to the back of the stage and back up front. Every one was so beautiful and had incredible bodies! The winner of the class was Ingrid Romero, a very inspirational competitor who is well known in bikini and has taken pretty awesome titles. (I didn't make top 5 but am still waiting on my placing)

When I walked off the stage and saw my trainer after prejudging I got pretty emotional. All day, it was about prepping and in that moment it sank in and really hit me that I DID IT. I worked so hard and accomplished my goal- and I did it all without comparing myself to the other girls or feeling insecure because I was simply proud of my own personal journey and individual accomplishment. I was on top of the freaking world! And to see my friends afterwards just meant the world to me. 

Finals were easy breezy. The most stressful part is prejudging because thats when it counts and when you are being scored. In finals we just walked out and did our model turns individually and immediately after they announced top 5. 

First thing I did after I got off the stage for finals was eat my muffins, brownies and fruit- didn't even go for a sip of water (I hadn't had water since 6pm the night before).

Head judge's feedback:

She said that I had a great figure/shape because of my tiny waist line and nice butt. haha..She wanted me to work more on my hamstrings and just get leaner. She said that she really liked my stage presence and my walk- that I was poised and classy. She loved my hair, make up, skin tone and overall look. Need a more blinged out bikini though! 

I had an awesome sunday relaxing and EATING whatever I wanted and today I was back in the gym, back on my clean eating diet ready to work for excalibur december 3!

Enjoy the pics! more posts to come that will be more personal and reflective! 

29% body fat to almost 12% in 3 months. Lost almost 2% in the last week before competition- insane. 

What I want.

Today was my last day with Sherlyn before competition day. When you train and you're sore, your body can retain more water than usual. We aren't training me all through the week so that my body/muscles will have time to heal and be show ready. 


Now, let's talk about wants. 
I knew what I wanted in terms of the goal and I knew what I wanted out of the process. What do I want on competition day? 


Let's start with this:


The last few days have been very emotional for me. I know its a combination of being carb depleted, training hard and trying to get everything taken care of for competition and life in general, but regardless of all of that- it's an emotional time overall. I have worked so hard for the last 3 months, staying insanely focused and determined to reach this goal. It has taken hours in the gym, hours of preparation, and every bit of mental, physical and emotional strength to conquer my days. And now, I've arrived to what I have been working so hard for. To stand in front of the mirror, look at how far my body has come and how far I have come personally, makes me feel things I can barely put into words. Last night, I literally did just that. I stood in front of my full length mirror, naked. Just me, and the progress I've made physically. Just me, and the fears that I've shed. Just me, a better me- accepting (for the very first time in my life), stronger, prouder, peaceful and still. I didn't get into all of this for vanity. It was for health (honestly, read my blog about my allergies and health issues). It was for an experience. I knew, 3 months ago, in the very moment I decided I was going to pursue bodybuilding and compete, that I would put 100% into it and that I'd make it to game day. That's just how I am. But standing there, I was still in awe of what I had accomplished, what I had learned and what I had overcome in the past few months. We all know the definition of dedication and discipline, but to live it is when you truly understand it. I have a better appreciation and understanding for those words as well as who I am. All of this, from training for a bikini competition. 


With that, what do I want competition day? Do I want to place? Yes, of course. But I'm not going to expect anything. I have to be realistic. I have come a long way but my body is not 100% show ready. I don't know the girls I'll be going up against but I do know I have worked as hard as I could in the amount of time I had to prepare for this show and that's all I could've done! You better believe I'm going to bring my A game when it comes to stage presence. That's actually more than half of what matters. How would you even choose the final girls when everyone has a sick body. Stage presence and personality account for a lot. The judges have to LIKE you. So no matter what, I will be up on stage, confident and proud, because I am. 


My body will continue to change. I will continue training after this competition to lean out even more. I'll be in even better shape for Excalibur December 3rd. I think at that point, I'll be pretty close to where I should/want to be for the stage. 


Sooooo what do I want? I want to have fun, I want to celebrate with the people I love and I want saturday to end with only the most amazing memories! Because truly, at the end of the day, my placing does not define me. It's my attitude, it's how I hold my head up, it's what I have learned and who I am today. 
Today, I am a better me.
And I am happy. 








Love, 
Nat

Update and tickets to the competition!

Hello world,

A lot has happened in a short amount of time. A little over 2.5 months into training I got my body fat remeasured. It was bittersweet. I had made progress and I needed to celebrate that victory, at the same time, I was still so far away from my goal.  It was definitely a bit discouraging. The progress I made in 2.5 months should have been greater considering how hard I was working. Something was off and what I was doing clearly wasn't the most effective for my body in terms of fat loss and getting lean. Then, I got really sick and this threw me off for about 2 weeks. Even further behind, I decided I needed a new game plan, a new strategy. It was time to hire a trainer and nutritionist. 

I remembered: If I wanted to be the best, I needed to learn from the best.

Through some research I found Jason Kozma (High Performance Personal Training)! I met with him and in short, he paired me up with IFBB PRO figure and bikini competitor- Sherlyn Roy. Wow and wow. I started training with her September 28th 2011. With a new diet plan created specifically for me by Jason and more effective fat burning training with Sherlyn, the progress I have made in just a few weeks is incredible. August 5th 2011 was the first day of my journey. I started at 29% body fat. Today, October 15th 2011, I am at about 14%. 

Now, I am a week away from my first competition (October 22). Training this last week has been intense and it's been a whirlwind getting all of the details together. There is so much that goes into preparing for competition day. I've had to consider what bikini will look best and accentuate my body shape, shoes, tanning, make up, hair, registration, considering the minor changes in diet and training if necessary (at this point my carbs are ALMOST 100% cut), making sure the poses and walk for the stage is impeccable! On top of all of that, training/ cardio 2 hours a day, meal preps (that takes me about 1.5 hours a day!) I also work and have to make time for errands, chores, relationships and myself. Its been incredibly challenging but unbelievably rewarding. I have learned more than I could have ever imagined about myself while going through this process. The lessons I have gotten out of this I can forever apply to so many other aspects of my life. Not just health and fitness. 

I am completely over the moon excited to reach my goal of completing my first competition. It will be a great experience to get my feet wet and get a feel for the process and stage to better prepare myself for my second goal- the big show- EXCALIBUR- Dec. 3rd 2011 (in Culver City as well). 

It's the home stretch now. I'm focusing on staying mentally, emotionally and spiritually strong- with that, my body will follow! Also, to take in every moment and emotion, to remember how blessed I am to be able to pursue all of the things I love each and every day, the support system I have, and everyones continuous encouragement that has truly helped me out more than you probably realize.

I have so much more that I want to share with all of you. I will try to make more time this week! 

TICKETS TO THE COMPETITION: 

I would absolutely appreciate and love for people to come and support me at the competition and also experience this insanely inspiring world of bodybuilding.

Saturday October 22nd, 2011

10:30 am: Doors open to public for prejudging

11:oo am: Prejudging- Competitors will be doing their model turns/poses individually and will be called out in groups to be compared against one another. Competitors get more stage time as judges are actually..judging (for finals). Its a cool time to see everyone up against each other and see the judging process as competitors are switched back and forth. 

6:00 pm: Doors open to public for finals

6:30 pm: For unlimited bikini specifically (what I am competing in), it is awards only but competitors will still be able to do model turns. Less extensive as all comparisons will have already been done during prejudging. 

Ideally, I would love for people to attend BOTH! :) But if you had to choose one, I suppose its up to you and what you'd prefer to watch. Finals/night show is the one I think most people attend.. 

You can purchase tickets online and most likely at the show although I am not sure if they will sell out. The info is on the website. This link will take you directly to the tickets for my show:

https://www.lindsayproductions.com/11TicketFormTitan.php

This link is the information on the event location and classes:

http://lindsayproductions.com/11EventInfoTitan.php

(I am not sure how long prejudging/finals will take. There are about 150 competitors total for NPC/IFBB. I don't know how large each class/category is so I am unsure of how slowly or quickly they will get to my class! I realize there's a big gap between prejudging and finals but prejudging will NOT go until 6:30pm. No where near 6:30. I do know finals will be shorter than prejudging because they will have already done some comparisons in the morning)

got red meat?

I had a pretty interesting day, or evening rather. After getting my rental car towed, a parking ticket on top of that, missing my table read and still not being able to get my car back from the shop- I decided to treat myself to some red meat! After picking up my rental from the tow company in torrance, I stopped by the grocery store for dinner essentials. 

Shopping List:

-Beef (I bought sliced top sirloin- perfect for this dish)

-1 Sweet Onion

-McCormick's "Perfect Pinch Original All Purpose SALT FREE seasoning"

At home I already had:

-Sugar Snap Peas

-Fresh Garlic

-Olive Oil

Here's a simple list of ingredients and detailed but easy to follow prepping and cooking instructions for a delicious, simple, "clean" and healthy meal! No added sugars or salt! 

Official Ingredient List:

Serves 2. 

or 1 with a left over meal.

or 1 if you're a guy maybe. 

-Approximately 8 oz. of Beef 

-1/2 Sweet Onion

-1-1 1/2 cups of Sugar Snap Peas

-1 good sized Garlic Clove

-2 teaspoons of Olive Oil

-SALT FREE seasoning to taste 

Prep:

1. Peel and chop half of the onion, mince the garlic, rinse the snap peas AND meat (I always rinse any seafood or meat I buy). Set ingredients aside. 

Cook:

*The reason for cooking the meat and veggies in separate steps is because of the varying cook times. Veggies might cook a bit faster, vis versa. 

1. Add 1 teaspoon of olive oil to a medium-large frying pan. Turn on heat to medium- high (Don't turn on your stove top while you prep your food because putting oil in a hot pan could cause it to splatter...not fun and possibly painful). After about 10 minutes, depending on how fast your stove top heats up- add in the snap peas and onions. The water from rinsing the snap peas will give some extra moisture. Saute for a few minutes or until the onions and snap peas are golden brown. When finished, plate the veggies and set aside.

2. Give the pan a quick rinse and wipe down with a paper towel. Place pan back onto the stove top. Add 1 teaspoon olive oil and wait for it to heat up a little again. Add the garlic and let it cook ever so slightly. Don't burn it! Then add the MEAT! Lastly, add as much seasoning as you'd like. Salt free seasoning is awesome because it has 0 calories, 0 sodium, 0 everything! Don't over cook the meat-let it be a little more rare than you'd usually prefer because it will sit in the pan for a few more minutes in the next step. Oh, and spoon out the extra fat at this point-leave as much garlic in there as you can though:)

3. Turn down the heat to low and add the veggies back in. Let the juices and flavors simmer altogether for just 2 or 3 more minutes. 

4. Plate with whatever side you prefer! 

Personally, for good portions, I had half of the stir fry with some type of "good" carb. I always have steamed sweet potato. Can't live without it. But I also think the sweetness compliments the dish well. You could do brown rice or a whole loaf of bread...whatever you want. You could also make this meal with extra veggies. If you don't like red meat, try this recipe with seafood or chicken. 

We have the chompers we do for a reason. This is one reason.